Evening Ritual

Morning routines are all the rage but I believe there is something to be said for starting the night before with an intentional evening ritual or routine.

When we end our day on a pleasant note with everything set up to begin the next day, we have a much better chance of getting off on the right foot in the morning. Especially if you're trying to create NEW habits.

Our daily routines and rituals can (and should) change over time. We can’t expect to set up routines and never alter them again. Life and circumstances change and so should our routines.

I've narrowed the Evening Ritual down to 4 Critical Coverage Areas:

1. End The Work Day

2. Personal Care

3. Review And Plan

4. Relaxation

END THE WORK DAY…

One of the biggest obstacles for moms is that we are never "off duty". Momming is 24/7 and our brains, bodies and even the eyes in the back of our head are always ON.

It's important to set some boundaries and maybe even delegate some chores so that we can END one day, in order to BEGIN another.

So often one day just leads into another and we never TURN OFF but taking note of the things that we CAN turn off is key.

Here are some MUST's in my house:

- Clean kitchen after dinner - I do not do well waking up to a messy kitchen, I like to start my days with a fresh sink and countertop. This requires clear expectations.

After each meal, everyone is responsible for putting their dishes in the dish washer, their trash in the trash can. Obviously someone helps Fisher since he's just 2 but it's not ALWAYS me.

Most of the time I ask Seth to put away the food and I do the final touches of wiping the counter and making sure the dishwasher gets turned on.

- Take care of pets - We only have a cat but we created a system based on even and odd days. Sage's birthday is June 1 so she takes care of the cat on all odd days. Turner's birthday is June 10 so he takes care of the cat on all even days.

If you're delegating, the key is having a system, one that isn't easily confused.

- Tidy up - This is a personal preference. However, I happen to belive that CLUTTER creates MENTAL MESS. What takes up space in your home takes up space in your brain whether you want to admit it or not.

Here are 2 spaces to consider a quick Tidy Up Sesh:

1. The night stand - The nightstand is the first thing you see in the morning, so make it look nice. Take all the junk off of the table that doesn't belong.

Let me get real with you for just a minute, diapers, butt paste and the box of tampons you grabbed from the store yesterday that just happened to land on your night stand DON'T BELONG THERE.

Put those things away and replace them with your favorite candle or maybe your just 1 book for reading or a journal (not a stack of "hope to" reading). Make it minimal and special.

The first and last thing you see each day does not HAVE to be chaos.

2. The coffee mugs - If you're a mom, most likely coffee is in your routine. (Except for my sweet friend Jessie who seems to be able to make it all happen without caffiene.... maybe I should interview her regarding that one day??? Hrm.... )

But really, do you need 14 mugs stacked from front to back in your cabinet or crowding around your coffee maker? I doubt it.

Pick out your favorites... maybe just 1 or 2 for each person in your house. Place the others in a donate bin or regift them. Most likely you don't need the 15 matching mugs that came with your dishes back in 1995. Grab your favorite and use it EVERY day!

Just think about it, if you have only a couple of your favorites you can really showcase them in the cabinet, front and center. How will you feel waking up to that?

It will be just like the day you saw the perfect mug on the shelf at the store... It shined like a halo the day it called to you in the store..... "Rebecca... pick me! Pick me!"

- Shut down the office for the day - I get it, I promise.

Your most important client might email, your boss might ask for a revision, you might get the credit card offer of your dreams (DON'T DO IT!)

After YEARS, of sleeping with my phone it was a HARD habit to break. It was the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing I saw at night.

I know it has gotten harder the last couple of years with most of us working from home but I promise, I work from home too, it CAN be done.

Email, texts, social media.... I have clients that have told me the first thing they open every morning is their bank accounts to make sure all was well during the night. Whew, talk about anxiety.

I BEG YOU, set a boundary. A time at night that you are no longer available to things outside your home. Put the phone on Do Not Disturb mode, set a couple VIP contacts in your phone so if there truly IS an emergency those people can CALL YOU!

This boundary setting is up to you! So start small and know that it's a habit to break so when you find yourself automatically reaching for the phone at bedtime to do "one more sweep of emails" or "checking one last time for a text", remember your boundary and set it aside.

Here is what my shut down routine looks like:

7:00 pm - Do the last check of emails and close down the computer

8:00 - 8:30 pm - Do a final social media or text chech, Set Wake-up Alarm, put phone and watch on charge.

Most days I do not check back to email, text or social media until after 8am the following day.

These are the boundaries I have set. And of course, if I am expecting important correspondence or have a special project I'm working on these boundaries might change temporarily.

PERSONAL CARE…

- Shower - Water is calming, it's refreshing, it's relaxing. If you find yourself having trouble winding down or you feel overwhelmed from a heavy day, a shower can be MAGIC.

Even if you don't actually NEED a shower, hopping in to "rinse off your day" might be the small action that will reset your body for a new part of the day.

I have learned this trick with the kids. If they seem to be having a harder day, emotionally or physically or just need an attitude adjustment I will always suggest bath time! And it always works.... so I gave it a try in my life and guess what?!?!? Magic!!

- Skin care - Homeschool mom coming out on this one. Our skin is our largest organ. If you don't take care of it nobody else will. If you want to see a happy smiling face in the mirror invest a few minutes and maybe even a few dollars into good skincare.

This can include more than just a face scrub or an eye cream. Consider adding vitamins that you might be lacking from your diet.

- Create a cozy place - Turn down the bed (if you didn't make your bed in the morning then at least straighten the covers)... also consider spraying your pillows or using a diffuser with lavender.

I always thought candles or diffusers were frivilous or for special occasions.... guess what!?!?!?

TODAY YOU ARE ALIVE. TODAY YOU ARE LOVED. TODAY YOU LOVE YOURSELF. TODAY YOU WANT TO LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE...

Light the candle or diffuse the lavender. YOU'RE WORTH IT!

- Choose clothes for next day - Whether you're the best morning person or the worst morning person LAY OUT YOUR CLOTHES THE NIGHT BEFORE.

It's one decision that you won't have to make tomorrow.

Each night while I'm brushing my teeth I pick out my gym clothes for the following day. I stack them neatly in the same spot every night. I double check that my socks, shoes, gym bag and purse are in the correct spot for an easy grab. I even go as far to place my early morning vitamins and water bottle there too.

Ensuring that you don't spend 30 minutes of your exercise time (or commute time) searching for the keys that the 2 year old hid in the couch cushions is necessary planning.

Face it, if you had a crap day you very easily could have dropped your keys in the fridge as you grabbed a cold drink after work. Before bed is the best time to make sure that tomorrow gets off to the best start.

Review Day and Plan for Tomorrow…

- Journal - Make journaling a part of your morning OR evening ritual. If you have trouble closing down your thoughts for the day, it might be best to do it in the evening.

For journal prompts reveiew the Morning Ritual Guide here:

- Make to-do list for next day - This can be as extensive or brief as you need.

I do this on the notes of my phone. I have a folder called "Brain Dump" and here is where I put little reminders that I might forget before morning. For instance last night I put:

seamstress

microscope

REI

lamb chops

This will remind me to drop my pants at the seamstress, buy a microscope for upcoming birthdays and run by REI for another gift idea. And to pull the lamb chops out of the freezer for dinner tomorrow.

This list keeps me from searching Amazon for the microscope tonight but I'm also guaranteed not to forget it.

ANYTHING that you need to remember but are NOT GOING TO ACTION right now goes on this list.

Depending on the activites planned I might make a full list of everything that needs to be done and then put it in order. Especially if a certain process is repeated regularly I will keep that list under BRAIN DUMP Friday Example:

Every Friday we have a very similar routine and it makes sense to do it in this order for logistics purposes:

Trash/Recycling

Chiropractor (this is once a month)

Bank

Flyin' Lion Cafe

Park

Gas

Grocery Pickup

My biggest challenge is getting in bed at a reasonable hour. Part of this is habit but part of it is because we are homeschoolers. One thing really important to me is that the kids get lots of time with Seth. Since the kids don't have to wake up early for a school bus I try to stay open minded and lenient with "bed time".

If Turner wants to play basketball in the driveway with dad until 9pm then that's ok. If Sage wants to draw and paint with dad until midnight then that's ok. If Fisher wants to wrestle dad for hours and play games then that's ok.

However, what I have learned is just because dad is awake with the kids doesn't mean that I have to be. I have only within the last 6 months set my own bed time boundaries and that includes a certain time that mom powers down. A quick conversation with dad that he's in charge now and a few chats with the kids "if you need something ask dad" was a game changer.

Suddenly I'm able most days to get in bed at a decent hour, rarely will the kids come wake me up for something silly and I am well rested for the early mornings. Well rested mamas are important!!!

PS. I still stay up too late some nights, but most of the time it's ME to blame. Either I consciously stayed up because I want to be a part of the game or because I fell completely off my rocker and forgot I have boundaries ;-)

It happens. At the end of the day our kids are still little and they do require more. But I also have a clear understanding that this is the season we are in and I’ve made peace with it. I just do the best I can.

EVENING RELAXATION…

Everyone has their own ideas of relaxing. At my house Seth considers nerding out on a video game for an hour or searching auction sites for a deal as relaxing and fun. Those things would make me nuts.

My idea of relaxing usually has something to do with sitting since I don't get to do that a lot. Here are a few of my favorite relaxing ideas but remember you have to choose your own... and maybe have a written list somewhere that you can reference when you FORGET.

- Make cup of hot tea - This will often keep me from late night snaking out of boredom. It also calms my nerves and makes me slow down. Tea is hot and you don't want to spill it, also you can't guzzle it so it's a MUST to be slower and more intentional.

- Sit in your favorite cozy spot - I LOVE to sit in the CORNER of our sectional couch. It's cozy and I line the pillows as a fort around me. It makes it HARDER to get up for unnecessary reasons. I never sit in this spot if I know I'm going to be getting right back up in a minute.

Even the kids have learned that when I'm sitting in that spot they might as well get their own drink or ask dad for help because I'm off duty (even if it's just for 5 minutes)

- Read or Listen to a book or Podcast - Gift idea for you if you don't already have it.... AUDIBLE! Ask your family for this subscripton instead of the obligatory coffee mug and flowers.

I have to be in just the right mood to do this at night but sometimes it's just what I need. Listening to an uplifting podcast or a mindless book can be a perfect way to unwind. I suggest steering clear of things that require a lot of brain power, the point is to unwind, maybe laugh but not add stress, anxiety or deep thinking.

- Stretch - This is my favorite way to relax these days. I have found it's one of the things I need the most that it's difficult to make time for. But the evening relaxing stretches I tend to go for are the "neglected areas". Gentle stretches on the neck, hands, feet, wrists or using a lacross ball for some pressure point muscle work will do the trick.

How To Create Your Own Evening Ritual!!

END THE WORK DAY…

PERSONAL CARE…

Review Day and Plan for Tomorrow…

EVENING RELAXATION…